Defeat and Deliverance

On May 8th, I chronicled the first stages of my latest adventure, alluding to what happened once I arrived in Texas, just one night before Mercury Rx. Here's the backstory:

The camper van I'd just driven 1300 miles to purchase met pretty much every expectation, and appeared to be in excellent condition. I went to sleep in it that first night brimming with gratitude, both that I'd heeded the call and been willing to trek to Texas for my dream, and that Spirit had delivered on the promise. Most of all, I was grateful I'd allowed myself to receive the gift.

The following day I took her for a drive and started reading the manuals, intending to schedule a mechanic's check-up for Thursday. In addition to the oppressive heat, however, I was feeling increasingly frustrated and exhausted by the current owner's seemingly intractable attitude: how perfect the van was, all the money he'd spent fixing it up, how he used to be a mechanic and knew it was in excellent condition (true, he used to be a diesel mechanic, though he doesn't know camper vans ~ the response to every question I asked him about this van was, "Read the manual!"), how it was worth more than he was charging, etc. etc. Nonetheless, I wanted it, and knew once I bought it and left the area, this tussle would quickly fade.

The mechanic who examined the van's engine, etc. pronounced it in fine shape, except for some minor rust underneath, due to the 12 years it lived in a coastal town (which I hadn't known about beforehand). He didn't say it was a major concern. So I took it to the RV shop to check out the housekeeping functions (fridge, stove, sink, toilet, etc.), and while this guy also said it was basically in good shape, when I mentioned the rust he took a quick peek and said emphatically, out of the owner's hearing, "This is just a personal opinion, but as a lifelong mechanic, I wouldn't buy it."

Then I felt uncertain. Once alone, I drove back to the first mechanic and solicited more detail from him. While he reiterated that he felt the rust was superficial, when I pressed him as to whether he'd personally buy it, he said, "No."

I felt defeated. Yet I knew I'd committed to the journey regardless. Now what? On to the East coast? Back to CA where another van whose owner I'd been talking with for over a month finally had his vehicle spruced up and ready for view? I prayed for guidance and clarity.

At 9 pm, in the ladies' restroom of the restaurant where I stopped for dinner, I began spontaneously sharing this saga with a lovely woman who listened, nodded, agreed with my assessments, and refused to leave me when her friends came questing after her, until she'd received my entire tale. I knew she was the angel I'd asked for, and it was such a relief simply to have someone hold the space for me! Mercedes (amusing that her name is a luxury automobile, isn't it?) said she and her husband own an RV, and she knew a mobile mechanic. She pulled out her cell and asked if he'd do her a favor.

On Friday morning, Ramon came to the house and looked the van over, tested the engine, and examined the rust. He agreed it was superficial, and said, given the excellent condition of the vehicle overall, he'd definitely buy it. Then I felt delivered.

I became the joy-filled steward of the LiveYourLight mobile on Monday, May 11, 2009, and look forward to our many happy years together.

Surrender is an ongoing process. Lying in bed Thursday night, after I'd connected with my Earth angels but before I knew for certain what would transpire the next day, I understood that Spirit was asking me if I was ready to graduate to the next level of my life work. And there was a clear echo from 13 years earlier. When I lived in Santa Fe, NM during my awakening in the mid-90s (the same period during which this camper van was being created!), I manifested a wonderful mountain cabin by following a series of synchronous threads.

However, once I'd found it and the owner agreed to rent it to me, I began having doubts. The cabin had no plumbing. Could I haul water until she installed the promised well? Would living so far from civilization be a hardship? What if I needed help?

The next day she phoned and said she'd decided to rent it to a couple of guys down the road instead, who needed a place to live while they remodeled, and were accustomed to rustic living. I felt the same sense of "snatching defeat from the jaws of victory" I described above.

That day in 1996, I went walking in the woods and implored Spirit, "Take this from me, take it!" I meant my resistance, my fear, all that blocked me from receiving my good. I then went to visit an area on the road to Wendy's cabin known colloquially as "the women's land". These women lived without running water or electricity, keeping their food cold in the stream and using kerosene lanterns to light their tipis and cabins. My heart full, I returned to Wendy's cabin without phoning, catching her fresh from an improvised shower.

She was very friendly, but firm: the cabin was going to the neighbors. Yet I was calm and centered. I said to her, "I KNOW something as wonderful as this is coming for me! Thank you." And I left.

The following morning she phoned, saying she'd reconsidered; she felt I'd probably take better care of her cabin than the guys down the road, and if I still wanted it, it was mine.

I knew I'd created that entire drama for my own growth, just as I created this one. I remain grateful to grasp the teachings in time to receive the gifts Spirit wants to bestow. And it's all a Gift.

May my adventures serve your own journey.

Many blessings,
Amara