Thursday, January 05, 2006

28 Reasons to Smile

With all the serious spiritual growth going on and earnest evolutionary guidance abounding (including mine), every now and again we need to enLighten up! These Zen gems came to me courtesy of cyber chum Violette Ruffley. I couldn't read 'em without grinning, and in some cases laughing out loud:

Your daily moment of ZEN

1. Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

11. Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

14. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth the money.

15. Don't squat with your spurs on.

16. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

17. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

18. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

19. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

20. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

21. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

22. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

23. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

24. Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

25. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

26. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

They are sort of funny in the black humor sense but perhaps the 'Tao' applicable in your private universe may not be the same 'Tao' applicable in mine. If intended as 'koans' then the point isn't the credibility of any of these statements it is whether the 'shock' of them crystallizes an unobvious aspect of the Universe enough to give the person receiving it a small taste of 'enlightenment.' But I don't really see that in the statements you posted, which is not to say that I didn't like them. Or that they were/are untrue, they are much more along the line of observations by a weathered scared and somewhat cynical old veteran, a sort of "There was a lot about this place they didn't tell me when I signed up here,' or 'let me tell you sonny,' feeling to them.
Thank you, anyway:~)

Aloha Amadeus taoistcaregivingzenyogitypingalongatworkstillenjoyingwhatiswithgratitude