Tuesday, March 28, 2006


In the year preceeding my dark night of the soul journey, I felt very "out of phase" with my old life, although I didn't have the language then to describe it. I tried psychotherapy for four months, and one of the first tasks I was asked to do was complete a drawing of where I was in my life. I labelled my picture, "Emergence" and told the therapist it was a baby--but what I meant was, a fetus: something gestating, not yet ready to be born. My soul knew I had a profound transformation to undergo before I'd be ready to birth myself anew.

The past months, especially March, have been a global gestation. Karen Bishop's latest alert, Coming Through the Gates, describes the process precisely--especially the hard-won awareness that what our ego/mind says we're ready for, and what we're really ready for, may not necessarily be in sync. And boy, was March 16th ever a doozy for me; I felt raw and vulnerable in a way I haven't since 1994. Fortunately, it was all part of the release process. Here's an excerpt:

"If there is anything in our lives that we feel we absolutely must have, then we are not yet ready for it. When we reach a point where we are happy where we are and can see great beauty in what we interpreted as darkness, then we usually receive everything in the palms of our hands. It is when we get out of our own way and let Source fill us up that we receive what we no longer want. And in this state, we are being much more of Source.
"These past few months have greatly assisted us in getting to this place so that we would be good and ready to receive what is to come. It basically involves getting out of our ego before we receive ways and means to create and be in the higher ways.
"The energy shift and big surge of March 16th really assisted as well. We had completed much purging and were now a little more empty so that we could fill up again with a higher vibration. During this time I had ascension symptoms that I had not experienced for several years, and I'm sure many of you did as well. Although brief, I had heart strain, pain and palpitations (trying to accommodate the higher energies), experiences of living in non-linear time where I was in the past, present and future all at the same time (not my favorite one!), some underlying panic and anxiety (more of the ego leaving), a vulnerability (ego defense mechanisms now gone), a period of a loss of creating ability and disappointment (learning not to create from ego), the shoulder pain (right for getting out of the way, left for learning to receive) and then...the darkness.

"There is a pattern in ascension that occurs when we are in an energy surge and bumping up. Darkness arrives but great creativity arrives as well. One is about moving out and the other about moving in. And in this space, if one needs to go back to the old 3D reality it can feel downright awful and leave you plummeting into a darker and denser reality. Best to stay here and in your creativity and oneness with nature and the Earth as much as possible. Letting go and not being afraid to 'leave' can give one the fuel to 'jump across.'"

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